6. Excitement and Melancholy

It was finally done. 6-7 total months to type up the whole first draft of Aether Guardian and it was finally done.

But there were some major issues with it still.

I was so excited with it that I immediately sent it off to my mom for her to read. She liked it and was proud and I was proud. I had accomplished what I had set out to do!

You know that feeling you get when you really like a video or a meme and you want to show it to your best friend. So you bring up your phone and they're watching it and you keep looking to see their reaction the whole time.

But then at that super funny part, they just kinda "heh" and then the video ends. They look at you, smile, hand your phone back, and go about with the rest of their day.

That's how I kinda felt. I felt like it was bad, that it was slop work, that it needed a complete overhaul.

My wife Jordyn, and my mom both really liked the book. They enjoyed the story and thought the world was interesting. But that was what it was. It was good, but it wasn't the reaction I expected. Because why would it be! It was my first time EVER writing ANYTHING so of course it wasn't going to be the most amazing thing they had ever read in their entire life! I knew that, but it never clicked in my brain that it would just be "ok."

Don't get me wrong, they were both extremely supportive and thought it was a great project, but I felt like there needed to be more. More polish, more content, better flow. My perspectives shifted to how I perceived my own work.

The biggest issue was a result of that couple month break I took during exams. As I re-read the manuscript, trying to figure out how to make it better, I realized it felt like two different books kind of glued together. The first third felt stiff, wooden, ridged, and lacked character, excitement. It felt like I was reading a seminary paper. The last two thirds felt better, the narrative ran smoother, the plot was interesting (I know, I'm biased!) and the characters felt more realistic.

But by then, I was so tired, so drained, and my mission complete, that I put the book down and let it sit... and sit... and sit...

I didn't touch Aether Guardian until the fall of 2023. Nearly three years after the first draft was completed.

Now obviously there were some - ehh hmm - global happenings for a few years that caused a few issues for a few billion people during that time frame. But even still, it sat.

I graduated seminary, got my first ministry position, moved to my second ministry position in a new state and just tried to get my feet underneath me as I was starting my new life outside of school.

The book always gnawed at the back of my mind.

"Hey, work on your book."

"Work on your book!"

"The book!"

But I just kept putting it off. Cause let's be honest, I was never going to actually publish it, right? It was a dream, it was just a pet project. It was just something I wanted to do as a gift for my mom. And I had completed it! So I don't really need to do anything with it.

But I knew it was still unfinished. The first third, the characters, the content, the thought of more books after. All of it poking at me.